The Performer: a monologue from the show

Here’s a monologue from Radio Mara Mara.

When the performer comes on L’Ansashita Mita’s radio interview show Worlds Collide, L’Ansashita asks her about her performance, art, and this is what she has to say.

I know I sound ridiculous. How much would I like to say something else, to say that I’m driven by beauty, or sex, or love, or something equally as romantic, or driven by a need for justice, or to quench thirst worldwide, or even just as simple and elusive as to entertain my fellow creatures, but instead and quite horribly, almost embarrassingly, it’s Jesus Christ. Honestly I hate myself for saying this, I feel like such a dupe to admit to it.

You don’t have to believe it if you don’t want to. My faith is something that I– that I almost wish I didn’t have, but when it dips or turns away from me I reach for it with all I’ve got. Let us be saved. Let us not give our souls over to darkness. Let us instead do it with joy, do it with love.

I tried it without God, I tried it for years; on Saturday nights when I’m out late and I want to get loaded on sex and drugs I still try it, but Sunday always comes. And I find myself with tears in my eyes to say: I am not worthy to receive you, but only say the word, and I shall be healed. Through everything, Jesus has kept my heart safe, Jesus has been fighting for me.

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