In the spirit of cleaning house of those objects that do not produce joy, I am endeavoring to clean heart and mind of those things that I want. I don’t want to want these things. I don’t want to want any things at all. I want to not want but to pursue.
Alex Arcadia made a painting some years ago that is a portrait of Andy Warhol in homage to Andy’s own style. He’s there popping out on a background of the Empire State Building on a background of an abstract color field, which Alex had found on the street.
It’s called He Could Crush It If He Wanted. I’ve thought about that title almost as much as I’ve looked at the piece, and since it hangs in my house and has done since… well for a good long time, that’s alot. At first glance, it reads more like “he could crush it if he wanted to,” but as time has gone by, it’s read more like “he could crush it if he had any want.” Does he want? Does he yearn? If not things, is there a want, perhaps to crush it?
It’s the last day of the Obama presidency, the last day, for at least four years, that I will be able to have respect and admiration for America’s Commander in Chief. Remembering back to when Bush the Younger was president, I didn’t think much of his efforts, but I did believe that he beleived he was working in the best interests of the country, even though I thought he was doing it all wrong. This guy, this new guy, I don’t think it’s ever occured to him to act in the best interests of anyone other than his own self. I mean, do you?
The other thing is that the things, the objects, that I want, when I go look at them to consider if I might like to purchase them, I just start to think about how they will end up in some giant pile of garbage someplace. Do I really want the end result of my endless wants to be the tip of a trash heap to be sorted through by orphans and elderly alike in a far off coastal continent? Or to whirl and twist in the grip of the north Pacific garbage gyre? What does fulfillment of want of things produce other than a quick gasp of pleasure and then waste?
In an effort to clear my heart of wants so that I, too, can crush it, here is a short list of things I want:
those wireless airpod earbud deals
a new northface windbreaker/shell, the one I have now I got in Aspen when I was 13, and it’s still great, but y’know, I could do w a new one
a 3 family house in brooklyn so we can live in the parlor level and rent out two apts
more time to read novels
forks– they always seem to go missing
a kitchen aid stand mixer in a bright yellow w a bread paddle attachment
a new ipad, bc everyone needs one, yeah? mine’s from 2010
a bigger bathroom
a little black dress and a slimmer body to fit into it
less age, more bone density
a ski trip
more of my favorite pens
a lovely hike
a magic spa vacation
a Ph.D, so I can have the full set
a new sweater, bc the two suitcases full of sweaters in my closet that I don’t wear aren’t enough
to not generate quite so much household trash
a mega terabyte external hard drive (okay, I bought that)
curtain rods that fit my bedroom curtains
for one of my bedroom windows, that is stuck, to open
a big party in my honor
a better president
universal access to better education
for education to not be all about child management